Nov 30, 2007

Santa Claus Must Lose Weight Or Else!

Don't tell the Doctor your putting cookies under the tree for Jolly old Saint Nick! Our country has become so weight obsessed that America's top doctor told the Boston Herald yesterday that Santa Claus should slim down!

"“It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise. It is absolutely critical,” acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson said in an interview after a presentation on obesity at the Boston Children’s Museum."

This comes as one of many recent attacks on Chri Cringle. In Australia, Santa has been ordered not to say "ho, ho, ho" for fear of offending slutty women or scaring children. Tis the season to be politically correct, Santa can no longer say "Merry Christmas" but is recommended to say "Happy Holidays," (which my very christian mother cannot stand). According to my mom, if they are Jewish you say "Happy Hanukkah," Christians "Merry Christmas," etc.

"And the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas agrees with the acting surgeon general that Santa is just too fat. The organization has suggested its 800 members lose weight in time for its July convention to “set an example.”

“We think it is a health issue for Santa and for children and that Santa should be setting an example,” said Nicholas Trolli, president of Philadelphia-based AORBS.

Connaghan carried out a survey of more than 300 Santas that found the average weight was 256 pounds."
Boston Herald Full Article

On an unrelated laughable note, my intern informed me that Cookie Monster was renamed Veggie Monster.

This is getting ridiculous. Santa is FAKE. He is NOT real. I mean seriously, how ridiculous is it that we tell our children that a fat man sneaks into your house through a chimney (which a skinny person can't even do nor would a sane person) while you are sleeping. It's so creepy. Worst of all, he employs lots of little people up at the North Pole. What are they child labors? The man is a mess. His nose is wicked red, probably because he is secretly an alchoholic. Next thing we know, Santa is going to become jacked, wear a blue yarmulke (pronounced: Ya-Mu-Kah), your presents will be at your door step instead of under the tree and global warming will melt the north pole so they elves will live in Canada or Russia.

What do you guys think?

On an unrelated laughable note, my intern informed me that Cookie Monster was renamed Veggie Monster.

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